Last month I attended a “write in” with the Almonte readers and writers group. My husband and I went together, a creative “date”, as he dove into ReNature; his creation of a dystopian Eco-crises novel (I’m so excited for this to be born), and I went with a desire to move through a writers block I’ve been rubbing up against for a while.
While I travel through my journey with cancer, a lot of people in my circle of support have urged me to not share so much of myself – to be more discerning. I closed myself into a cocoon and created very strong boundaries around myself, I know this has been important in my healing.
Over the past year and a half I have spent countless hours doing personal healing work, reflecting on boundaries for myself, reassessing my life, and yes, cocooning. I’m very slowly finding my way integrating this huge pivot point in my life, and being back in the world. This time has taught me that yes, I lead with my heart, AND that this is how I choose to walk through this life. This is also where I write from.
When we love and lead with healthy boundaries, and when the seeds of love start within ourselves, I believe we can never love to much. This is not something I will ever dampen.
It’s taken me a while to be able to write again, to get under all the outside voices thinking they know how I’m supposed to do things differently now that I live with cancer. I feel like I have been given so many opportunities through all the “outside” advice that did not resonate, that I’ve been able to find my way to myself. I feel grateful.
I realize that for the first time in my life I trust myself.
I notice people have an interesting way of telling others what they think they need and seldom stopping to ask what that person thinks. I’m making a conscious effort to listen more, and to ask people what they inherently think they need. And to surround myself with people who trust me to make good decisions for myself.
I wonder, do people tell you what you need, or do they ask you what you need?
I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own sense of boundaries, and ability to be discerning in what is actually true for you.
When I decided to go to this evening of writing, I went with no expectations and no clear idea of what I was going to write, I just knew I needed to be in a room filled with creative, supportive, generative energy and to stay open to the process. It was wild the desire that I felt to just go, to trust my process through a medium that helps me feel alive, a medium that went to sleep out of fear, in my cocoon of boundaries.
What I found, was PURE unexpected magic.
When I sat down I was instantly guided into a body of work that has great meaning to me. To be accurate, a workbook that began about 20 years ago and has been evolving as a file on my computer for many moons. I offer these pages as efiles when I facilitate breast health workshops and support folks in deepening their understanding and relationship with their breasts, and truthfully with their whole selves. It needs ALOT of work and is definitly a living and evolving project, but it makes me feel excited to give it the love, respect and energy it deserves.
When you go through a dark time where the end of that tunnel could lead you through 2 doors; one where your time in this human body could come to an end, and one where you stay inhabiting this body with the heightened awareness that that other door could open for you at any time, there is a question that lingers.
A simple question really; where is my energy best spent while I’m here?
Let me repeat that for you:
Where is your energy best spent while you are here.
I have been thinking about my unfinished projects (oh my goodness, there are many), the seeds I have been carrying for one day.
I realize that day is here now, there may not be another day, and what I do with my time matters.
What you do with your time matters
What we do with our time matters.
I’m writing this post for you, and for me – affirming my commitment to this body of work, and to the seeds I am carrying. I have a lot of work and play to engage in, and will share this process with you along the way. My life may not be long in this body, so what I do now matters. And what you do matters…………
With so much love, and gratitude
Amber
I want to give an extra note of gratitude to Jessie Carson, and the Almonte Readers and Writers group, I’m so grateful you are in our community – such a gift for all of us who love to weave a tapestry of words. I’m excited to deepen this connection over the years to come!
Click here if you’d like to find out more about upgrading to a paid supporter for $6/month, helping me to continue to do this work. This will also give you access to weekly recordings of wellness capsules and mindful minutes.
If you’d like to practice with me I teach weekly online zoom classes , plus I have several different membership options with an ever expanding on demand video library offering you supportive practices whenever you need them through a diverse collection of offerings. Depending on the support you need, memberships range from $6 to $38.
I’m so excited to be back offering Healing Massage Therapy sessions and sound therapy. If you’d like more information I would love to hear from you, send me an email at amber@suryadaya.ca.
Our next Tending Your Inner Garden offering will be starting in the fall of 2024, stay tuned for dates.
