Tag: Love

I have taken the last while off from all distractions to focus on my family and my own inner need for rest, it has been bliss.

I didn’t realize how depleted and exhausted I was from this past year, it has held a lot ~ personally and as you, dear reader know, for the collective as well.

I feel grateful as I sit down to write these words, slowly re-emerging, to have this time with you. I haven’t been writing as much this past year, honouring the spaces in between and giving myself more time to just sit, usually at the trunk of my favorite tree. I have been experiencing more freedom to just be, not needing to produce or share my personal musings but instead honouring what’s alive in my own tender heart and holding this as sacred.

I wonder how you’re doing, underneath all the layers.

If you’re having a hard time, you’re not alone. It helps me sometimes to remember that we are constantly in flux – learning, growing and evolving and it’s not always going to feel easeful, I don’t think it’s meant to. The wheel, remember, continues to turn.

If you’re doing amazing, you’re also not alone, please don’t dim yourself. Your wholeness is felt, as are the ways you may have been broken over the years, it’s all part of this human experience. We feel eachother in our ebb and flow.

Before I was diagnosed with cancer I realize I didn’t actually give myself complete permission to stop periodically, to put everything I’m carrying down and take a real break.

I also didn’t honour all my cracks.

The past few weeks have reminded me that this is non negotiable for me now, time to deeply rest. Without it I’m not able to process the joys, the ups, the downs, the cracks, the necessary mending and the holy mess.

Many of you who know me, know that I work very intimately with people, and ride the waves of not only my own experience but also navigate the waves of everyone in my circle of care. Breaks and boundaries are NEEDED, this allows for the deep composting and integration to actually ever happen, which is necessary for our constant unfurling, tending and evolution.

No matter what you do in the world, I think sometimes we all get stuck riding the waves of our shared existence that never stops, unless we consciously decide to jump off for a while and return to our own unique holdfast and move from this place.

A while ago in one of my classes, we talked about this concept of our holdfast, looking at what holds us steady as the waves of life keep moving. Taking time everyday to feel where your roots are grounded, looking at how you show yourself compassion and softness. Maybe take a moment to reflect on how your boundaries are around your own self care time?

Alternatively, if we don’t take this time, we can unconsciously get pulled under or thrown against a rock – forcing us to stop in often very uncomfortable ways. This I understand.

Many humans have a tendency to keep going, no matter what, and we put a strong emphasis on the ways we’re resilient, and the ways we’re strong, the ways we can handle so much. I too have put a lot of emphasis on these qualities, but I find I’m moving differently through the world now. I wonder if we can continue to build our inner resources, celebrate our strength, but maybe make space to experience our strength through a different lens – one that honours the pause, the fragility, the breaking and the stopping that’s necessary to grow and heal.

I wonder if we can learn to be comfortable in mess, because let’s face it there is a whole lot of mess going on at the moment. Accepting and being realistic about mess doesn’t make us less, I think it actually helps us to fill in some gaps and gives us space to not always have to have the answers or to make sense of everything.

I grew up in a home where people didn’t expect a lot of me, which translated to me expecting ALOT from me, trying to prove my worth. A year and a half ago I put that story down, I offered it to the chemo as it burned through me. In the spaces that were created, I decided to invite something different, to instead show up exactly as I am without unrealistic expectations or being so worried about others opinions. I decided for the first time in my life to be truthful in who I ACTUALLY am, with honesty and compassion – mess and all.

As we transition into the new year, can we collectively consider a slow return, offering us discernment and renewed purpose.

What is your holdfast and can you find ways to return to it daily.

Have you taken some time to reflect on the pivotal moments of this past year, perhaps letting go of what doesn’t need to travel with you into the year ahead, honouring necessary endings.

Can you acknowledge any areas of your life that might feel a little messy right now? Maybe considering out of the chaos comes lessons, clarity, an awareness of what’s actually important to you. Mess also has the potential to lead us to true beauty.

As I look ahead, I find myself curious about how the days will unfold in all of their mystery and wonder.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you being here.

Much love,

Amber

I also teach weekly virtual gentle yoga classes, and monthly tending your inner garden sessions. Send me an email if you’d like more information

amber@suryadaya.ca

You can find out more information about additional support on my website